Just Hold My Hand

darling,
just hold my hand and
dont let it go
coz i love ,
i love you so ....
so much ...

let me in ,
into your soul ,
let me go ....
through your eyes ,
let me love ,
let my love flow ....

your sweet love ,
the soft kiss and
the killer smile...
oh i swear ,
there aint no one ,
with your style ...

you're my light ,
and oh yeha darlin ,
you're my love...
you're my sweet angel ,
sweet angel ...
you're my saviour

darling ,
just hold my hand and
dont let it go
coz i love ,
i love you so ....
so much ...

Beauty Is Relative Or Is It ???

With all this hype about Miss Nepal going on i have started to wonder what beauty really is ? Well about Miss Nepal, i am neutral. I don't even understand what all the fuss is all about. I mean even if Miss Nepal is doing no good , it isn't doing any bad either. Why not let some guys with creative idea make some money. Plus the girls are all adult and i guess they know and realize what they are doing. Now comes the question of who decides who is beautiful ?

As it has been said since long "Beauty lies upon the eyes of beholder". But is it true that beauty really lies upon beholder. I know that there has been some scientific definition of beauty for years which has something to do with ratio stuff. This definition may hold truth but still beauty will be relative.I can guarantee that not all people will like the same thing no matter how good that thing be or how perfectly that thing fits the definition of the beauty. Beauty was always a thing that a person felt and that will be no different today or in the future. There cannot be an absolute definition of beauty as there is no such thing as absolute beauty. I may be beautiful for someone but at the same time the same me may be ugly in eyes of somebody else. Beauty is not only relative but also deceptive . It is also temporary. I mean something that may look beautiful may not be beautiful at all and/or will eventually turn ugly after some time.

I guess thats where the concept of inner beauty arises from. As beauty is temporary and is more of attraction thing and people want to be permanently beautiful, the concept of internal beauty helps them. You can remain beautiful forever by two way. One is by adjusting your thinking or the other is by adjusting your personality.

If you change your thinking that you are beautiful then you will always feel beautiful and thats what matters. But if you are a compliment hungry person and want other people to see you as beautiful then you can develop a pleasant personality (which will also of course be relative) and unless your personality degrades you are a beautiful person.

I follow the first technique.

Loneliness

He is all alone , staring at the blank screen of his computer. The screen saver was on and he was staring at it , his face as lifeless as the screen itself. He still cant believe that she is gone. No longer there with him. He was actually missing her. He was missing the days they spent roaming the outskirts of valley , he missed going to the movie and staring her while she was watching the movie, he missed calling her and waking up her at midnight just to say "Good night darling , I love you", he missed her touch, he missed her soft kiss, he missed her so badly .

It was his fault that she was gone. He chased her out of his life and now she wouldn't return. There was no chance that she would return. Regrets filled up his mind as he recalled what had happened 3 months ago.

"Its over , why don't you understand." he said

"But why ???? " she asked.

"I don't wont to be a reason for the end of your career and i bet you wouldn't wont me to compromise with my career too. Don't you see two creative people like us cant just get along. I just want to live life my way."

Then, he did not know that she was his life and that without her his life would never be complete. Now he was there all alone wishing that he hadn't said what he had already said.

"But small compromises need to be made in a relationship" she had said.

"But i don't want our life to end up in a compromise"

"Yeah , but look at what is at stake , OUR LOVE........ damn It , don't you think our love is worth it? "

"No"

Her tears had stopped flowing , she turned back and then just walked away. She never turned back to see him and she never will.

Build Your Life Over My Ashes

Life couldn't be harsher
and i have no reasons left to live
Fear of death exist no more
and i have no emotions left to feel

Break me into million pieces
and burn my rotten soul
Or throw me into burning flames
through a million meter hole

Not that i am leaving you
feel me within
Build your life over my ashes
to forgive all my sins

My shadow is scary
because it reflects me
in my own eyes
your pain i can see

take my shadow away from me
even though i will feel cold
poke my eyes till
i cant see where to hold

Not that i am leaving you
feel me within
Build your life over my ashes
to forgive all my sins

Stop my breathing
till i suffocate and die
And leave my corpse to rot and
to be eaten by the beast of the skies

Make my death painful
still no pain i will feel
Cut me into pieces
so your wounds can heal

Not that i am leaving you
feel me within
Build your life over my ashes
to forgive all my sins

Do Something Just For The Sake Of Doing It !!!!!!

In "Bhagwat Geeta" Lord Krishna had taught Arjun to believe in "Nishkaam Karma Yog" . This term had left me scratching my head for months and finally i have figured out what it actually means. There is a dailouge between Arjun and Krishna in which Krishna says that even while killing thousands of people in the battle of "Mahabharat" Arjun can be free of sins by believing in "Nishkaam Karma Yog" . How ?????? Well Arjun will fell guilty if he worries about the outcome of his deeds and that will eventually mean that he is a sinner. But if he fights just thinking that its his duty then he will be a warrior and not a sinner. Sin is not something that is determined by somebody else. You are a sinner if you consciences tell you that what you do is wrong. There is nothing good or nothing bad when you start to believe in this philosophy. You believe in your karma (duties) and do them without the greed for the outcome. That is because outcome is never in your hands and all you can do is what you feel is right. This reminds me of the story of Eklavya in which the young warriors (who is belived to be a greater and fiercer warrior than Arjun) cuts his thumb because his teacher asks his thumb as the payment for his teaching. It also reminds me of time when Karna was tricked into giving his kundal and kavaj to disguised Indra. Looking at these cases one may not belive fully that it may be wise to do your duties without the care for the outcome. Eklavya would have reached to fame higher than of Arjun if he had not cut off his thumb and even the Kauravs could have won the battel of Mahabharat if Karna had not given away his kabaj. But if Karna had not belived in doing his duties without caring for the outcome he wouldn't be fighting for the kauravs in the first place. Even Bhismapitama would have fought against the kauravs instead of fighting with them.

Enough of the talks about these great book , the philosophy also holds truth in our day to day life. If we do somthing just for the sake of doing it then whatever the outcome it will please us . Its like never expect anything from your work and therefore whatever you achieve will make you happy. Some may argue that its the outcome that drives the person to do great deeds. I would disagree on that as i think that its not the outcome that drives the person to do great deeds but the passion . If you don't have passion and you hope for high achievement then you will never be successful but on the other hand if you work with passion that you may or may not achieve anything but you are eventually going to be content with what you do. Though i am not saying that a person should not set goals. A person should set goals but achieving the goal should not be their primary concern. They should moreover try to focus on the work that they are doing to achive their goal and do with their full heart. Thus you may achieve your goals and even things beyond that but more importantly you will be content with yourself. I think that Lord Krishna was trying say to arjun "Fight Just for the sake of fighting and that you will become a true worrior". And i think we should also do something just for the sake of doing it.

Unity In Diversity

This is a story of a place. In fact this is a story of a beautiful place below the Himalayas. The place was filled with different people of different color, different caste, different creed and different lifestyles and way of living. But despite all the differences the people lived in complete harmony. Everybody respected each other and were quite understanding. But that was just an illusion.

In fact everybody just pretended to love each other. Inside their heart there was hate which they had never let out. All the hate accumulated and slowly the vengeance inside them started to show. Soon there were quarrel, fights, riots, battles and bloodshed. Houses were burned and hundreds of people were killed. The beautiful place was no longer beautiful.

My Love For Her

I felt nothing for her. Nothing at all. Maybe i am heartless or maybe i am emotionally empty. I had loved her once or maybe not but we had once been in a relationship. I saw the sorrow in her eyes. I could tell that she did regret every single thing that she did to me . She deserved the tears. It really was of no use after so many years. At least not for me. Maybe i still loved her but she just cant walk in and out of my life. Tow years back when she left me shattered and broken did i cry. Maybe i did and maybe it is the price of those tears that she is paying now. She deserved the tears. She was herself responsible for her tears.

"I am sorry, i really am" , she said.

Those words seemed so blunt. I know she was sorry and i know she had regret but after what had happened i could not trust her. "But Whats the use after so long" I asked.

"I am sorry that i left you. That may have been my biggest mistake in life but you dont deserve to punish me like this. You know i still love you, you know i am sorry. I want to make it up to you.You know i had my reasons to leave you ." she said

I couldnt even get the meaning of her words. She may have had her reasons but she had left me without a word . Not even a goodbye , not even anything. I even tried to contact her . I had written her mails everyday for about 4 months after she left but she dint even bother to reply. And now she comes to me all of a sudden when i have already learnt to live without her. When i have been able to pick up my broken life and am trying to move on with life.

"But i have learnt to live without you" i said

"we can start over new" she replied

Start over new????? Even her shigt was a pain to me. She made me remember all those days spent in pain missing her. My days spent with her was a waste of my time, we did share eternal memories but i felt nothing for her. I had vengeance for her in my heart and i had always wanted to ruin her life for ruining mine. But after seeing her even my hate for her died. I felt nothing. Empty from within.

"Sorry that is not possible" i said, " i dont think that i will ever be able to trust you again."

I saw pain in her eyes. She knew that she had changed me. The separation has changed me. She knew that i was no longer the cheerful old guy she used to love. I could see that her eyes had already swollen by crying for such a long time. Yet I felt nothing for her.

Then i realized that yeha after all she has changed me. And the love for her in me had died , finally.